butterfly perched on the yellow petaled flower during daytime
Reflections

The Marigold Effect

The “marigold effect” refers to the practice of companion planting. Gardeners intentionally plant certain plants together to protect and nurture their growth.

Marigold plants are one of the best companion plants because they repel bugs and fungal diseases. By planting a marigold next to your vegetable plants, they will grow bigger and be protected by the marigold’s properties.

On the contrary, when some plants are planted alongside of others, they negatively impact the growth of the plants that surround them. For example, when a walnut tree is planted alongside another plant, it absorbs the nutrients from the given plant so the walnut tree can produce more walnuts and grow healthier and stronger.

With this basic information, you can understand the basics of companion planting. If you would like additional recommendations for planting a successful garden, I can refer you to my mother-in-law, who is an expert in this area. My job here is to utilize this information to generate a metaphor to develop clarity for developing nurturing relationships for growth and well-being.

As you can now imagine, marigolds can metaphorically represent the kind of human we hope to be around: those that support, nurture and strengthen us. We can do our best to choose “marigolds” as friends or co-workers, but sometimes we end up in a “walnut tree” partnership. These partnerships can become overwhelming and drain our best energy.

Now, when you find a ‘marigold friend,’ you develop a nurturing partnership. You are able to receive and provide the right amount of ‘nutrients’ to grow together as well as develop capacity independently. This is the Marigold Effect.

As you are planted alongside another, choose to be a Marigold, so you can have an enriching effect on the shared environment. If you find yourself “planted” nearby a walnut-tree, feel free to revisit your harvest and where you’re planted. If ‘environmental change’ is not an option, boundaries in ‘nutrient’ sharing can be a helpful option for mutual growth.

I truly don’t believe that walnut tree friends intend to toxify the relationships, they just don’t know how to seek nourishment in a healthy way. And for that reason, I do not believe we should abandon our walnut trees, but to choose how and when we interact with them.

As educators, we exist in a world filled with marigolds and walnut trees, where unity is crucial. As we co-exist, its essential for us to not just share nutrients but also embracing the nutrients provided to us for growth.

Through mindful and respectful synergy, we can inspire, enrich and nurture a strong team and rich harvest.

person on a bridge near a lake
Reflections

Education in 2020

So I decided to look through old files this weekend and I came across a file in my Masters of Education folder titled “Education in 2020.” Instantly- I laughed out loud. Remember doing a 5-10-15-20 year write in elementary school? Yeah, similar to that. This assignment was imagining what education would be like in the year 2020. This feels a little Back to the Future….

In 2010, this was my outlook for technology integration in education:

The advancement of technology has a significant influence and role in day-to-day life. You seek technology to communicate, organize and produce. Because of this, education is largely organized around the computer. With computers, instruction and curriculum is tailored to individual needs, learning style, and mastery. A computer program is able to assess prior knowledge and build experience and knowledge individualistically. The computer allows access to instant communication with anyone around the world. A teleconference in the classroom provides a priceless learning opportunity. Essentially, they can travel without having to get on a plane. This alone provides unique opportunities for all.

Mind blowing right?! Ok, maybe just for me. By no means a premonition, BUT- wow. Who would have thought the universe would make this a reality?

Now, this is a little more frightening. As a teacher, we feel threatened by this right now. Technology advances are impacting our potential for genuine connection. It’s also impacting our craft as an educator. Being in the classroom before 2020, we were integrating technology to enrich our learning experiences, not replace our instructional practices. Here’s another snippet from my 2010 prediction of the impact of technology:

Technological advances have allowed all the information to be at our fingertips immediately.  When students are learning faster because information is provided faster and applicability is more immediate, it has begun to cast a shadow on education. The role of the teacher in education is beginning to change because of this. A teacher is often represented through a computer. The knowledge the teacher has doesn’t seem to be as important as how much the computer has to offer.”

Yikes. Re-reading that is challenging. Yet unfortunately some of this is has become a reality that educators are working through. It is hard to recognize how technology has interrupted our relationships at the same time as it’s providing more widespread interactions.

Now for some hope. I wrote this paper when Barack Obama was first elected president. It fascinates me on how I projected his impact on cultural development and how it would benefit our educational system.

“Perception of race and ethnicity has drastically changed throughout this decade. This is due to our former president, Barack Obama, being African American. This breakthrough has allowed for curiosity and respect across the races. In previous years, educators had to be more careful of saying something that could be misinterpreted by a student. It has been honorable to watch how race and ethnicity has become valued rather than avoided. This perception change has been largely due to recent political trends.”

And here is a proud proclamation that I absolutely think we should lean into and believe moreso today!

Our future IS in the hands of our youth, and that is where we are beginning to invest our time and money.” With the buildup of powerful corporations and the focus on consumption, commercialism and consumerism, it is essential to focus on the education of future contributors to our society.

And here’s another projection that uncomfortably has been unfolding. Considering the “social dilemna” of media use and advertising, check this out:

“One can envision a dystopian society where individuals become manipulated by unseen advertisers and where group conflicts are exaggerated. Unlimited options are being constrained by the owners of media where privacy and personal space are violated. This is because of the pursuit of individualism more so than developing a collectivist society.”

Now comes a recognition of ‘being a teacher’ in itself. An educator’s job is ever-changing and always growing. Yet to be attuned to the new jobs that develop over time makes the job even more complex. Thus another reason I am grateful that teachers’ salaries have become valued and respected. Maybe looking back to my projection makes me appreciate the salary advancement moreso.

“The rapid rate of knowledge growth is also causing new disciplines as well as new jobs to be available. This puts an immediate pressure on the educational system. We have the demand to now develop competent workers in new and growing fields. This has produced the need for hiring competent instructors to train individuals to advance into these newly developed fields. Because of this demand, it has caused teacher salaries to drastically increase. A field worker could make much more money doing their trade rather than teaching his trade. In order to recruit these highly trained field workers to become educators, incentives were necessary.”

Furthermore, I am incredibly proud (silent high-five-to-self was given here) of my foundational perspective of multicultural education. I’m going to let my paper speak here.

A classroom is shaped by the diversity in the learning environment. This means an educator must be “in the know,” meaning they must seek to understand the cultures that make up their classroom.

Multiculturalism remains to be a drive that shapes education and is still remaking the dimensions of what constitutes a learning environment. An educator no longer plays the role of the “American-izer” but more-so as the “knowledge developer.” The only difference between the two is what lens the teacher is wearing when instructing. An educator must seek to adapt and grow in the classroom environment and they must model this same need to their students by expecting the same. In order for educators to “keep their lens prescription up to date” they are now required to engage in cultural training on an ongoing basis. This knowledge base allows for teachers to understand their students and the outside demands at a much better level. It is now an expectation for teachers to remain intentional and culturally responsive in their instruction.

Now, I’m going to simply copy and paste here. This whole section of my paper is worth reading. Check it out. (Remember this was written in 2010)

How These Forces Have Remade Schools in 2020:

The three direct facets of education have been drastically affected by the above moving forces. With highly advanced technology, more single families, higher cost of living, changing political roles and growing diversity, education was bound to change, or develop for students, schools, and teachers, thus a whole community.

If I were to be a student again in the public school system, my school day would not only be much different, but also the type of demands placed on me by my teachers and parents, and by society. I remember being in high school and doing inquiry projects and being able to participate in two sports at a time. I also remember being able to develop trust in my teachers. Nowadays, it is more difficult to develop relationships with your educators because many things are now computerized. A student may be able to get more immediate results because the computer gives automatic feedback rather than waiting to get your test back from your teacher. This immediate feedback may be worthwhile, but it isn’t as project oriented. Also, everything is full of tests. I would be tested on an ongoing basis, formal to informal. I am a terrible test taker so I know I would fail in today’s education system.

As a teacher, my job would have a different description. I think I would bring more work home, have to do more planning, and my summers would be lost. With a lot of information available, it also means more instructional strategies to use. I would have a difficult time honing down to one method of instruction or classroom management. I would definitely have to remain ‘in the know’ in order to appropriately adapt to the growing needs of a classroom. I have always enjoyed being a teacher, but the demands placed on educators to be adaptable, flexible, knowledgeable, well-trained and technological, leads me to believe that I couldn’t get another job because I would be ‘out-interviewed.’

Being an administrator in a school would also be considered a research position. A guaranteed and viable curriculum would have to be in place with challenging goals. I would need to provide prompt and effective feedback to the workers in my building. I would also need to encourage parent and community involvement in my school despite the dimensions of the community I live in. By doing this, it would ensure a safe and orderly environment. From the growing trends in 2020, it has been essential that I hire highly-qualified educators. Without them, another failure component exists. There is a heightened demand of professionalism in the institute of school. Thus, opportunities must be readily available for ongoing professional growth. Essentially, that is why our new Instructional Facilitator and Learning Coach positions exist.

person on a bridge near a lake
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In conclusion, I wonder what the next ten years’ll bring? Do you? And what are we responsible for in creating the changes we want to see? In education? In society? In leadership? I believe the universe is listening and we can wholeheartedly be a part of how our future evolves. It’s humbling to see that in the short span of ten years there has been incremental growth, while also problems unsolved. Will it take another decade to make the incremental growth needed for resolution? Nonetheless, lets make 2030 the year to look back and be proud of the innovation made during that decade. I believe we can contribute to this great change with the choices we make everyday. May your choice of energy investment today bring you growth and enrichment.

adult alone anxious black and white
Reflections

Absolutes.

When was the last time someone straight forward told you NO. Like ABSOLUTELY NOT. Straight forward. No questions asked. Even if was over something little (or hopefully not big), how did you feel? Did you hard pause and respond with an “ohhhhkkay” or did it escalate your blood pressure and make you want to argue the hard no? Despite your response- the word NO (and tone of voice and context) most likely created some kind of emotion for you. And complacency is not often the first emotion evoked.

adult alone anxious black and white
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Something intriguing to me is the power in the word NO. Even the slight change to “not yet” or “no thank you” can generate a different emotional response. Keeping this in mind, how can we better navigate our interactions with our kids? Whether in the classroom, at home, or on the field/court, we need to develop our self awareness and language to guide our youth (and selves) to becoming their (our)best. We need to be less angry with each other, less tense in our homes and talk more and yell less.

Sounds good right? Yes. Easy? No. We are all humans and have a brain wired to be alert at all times and when threatened or stressed, we react more often than interact. It takes commitment and brain training (skill/scenario practice) for us to develop our capacity. Yet, like you’ve heard before, if you believe it, you can achieve it.

So let me tell you a little more about the how-to. Going back to the simple NO. If it has to do with safety or imminent danger– disregard ALL of this guidance and be direct as needed. This guidance pertains to the behaviors you’re trying to have less of, eliminate or are just plain tired of. Which brings me to the first step- self-awareness. Be real. Are you tired? Hungry? Maslows hierarchy of needs here. If your “window of tolerance” is barely open, you’re NOT going to be patient and will be quicker to throw the heavy NO out. (And be forgiving with yourself if you do- we really are all humans and respond harshly sometimes when we have unmet needs). Forgive yourself but reflect and try to name it to tame it next time (••you can say that you’re tired and annoyed and need for something to stop••)

Next step, is to take a deep breath and give yourself 2 seconds before you say NO (even if it’s at the store and your threenager is assertively asking for the Barbie). You’ll find yourself saying NO in a calmer voice. Adding in a little “yet” or “thank you” can provide a little cushion and make it easier to move into Step 3: empathize. Delivering and empathetic explanation, helps our children understand that we are not NO machines and that we have reason behind what we say. Something like “I know it’s hard to hear a NO when it’s something you really want,” may lead to them respecting you MORE and be willing to problem solve or set goals if they are able to contribute to a future YES. Side note: if you don’t know exactly what to say, you could simple respond empathetically with a “bummer, I know that’s what you want and I know it’s hard to not get it.” Or even, a “oh bummer, not today,” can lead you to quicker success.

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Now let’s talk about the YES. Did you know there is a YES trick?? If someone says something to you that you slightly agree with but want to counter what they are presenting or requesting? Try this sentence stem for response, “yes.. and…(insert respectful addition or counter here)” Now I don’t advise you to use this to one-up BUT it validates voice and respectfully develops the conversation. I also caution the use of “Yes, BUT….” as we may already know this, but BUT discredits your YES (so you might as well say NO). Last caution- don’t say YES with this sentence stem IF you don’t agree with something they said. Be honest. I’m talking about with kids and adults. (Kids are reallllly good about remembering what we say: they are sponges..) Again, this is an example of how we can utilize connection and conversation to create less tension and respectfully navigate our guidance.

Let’s go back to the power in simply hearing the word NO vs hearing the word YES. Daniel Siegel (author of The Yes Brain (and more)) does a powerful thing at his trainings. He will repeat the word NO multiple times (and with different intonations) and ask how the audience felt during that experience. He would then do the same with YES, and reflect on the physiological response. It makes it clear as day. I don’t think any of us would disagree with the fact that simply hearing YES generated a more pleasurable response than NO did. Now keeping this in mind when we are tested daily by our kiddos after our long days at work, it’s important to keep the three steps above (as well as mean reflective) in order for us to communicate effectively and deliver the NO response without a punch but more of a high five. Note to the reader: this can also apply for our spouse and co-workers 💖 And yes, I’ve coached my husband to use it on me too 💖

Bottom line here is, when we hear any sort of ABSOLUTE (in this case NO), our reasoning Brain will deactivate and our emotional Brain will take control of your response. (This is a chemical/scientific thing- not a select-a-mode-in-Brain choice button). Therefore, to keep brain science in mind, we need to first be aware of this (and our response and readiness) before we can gather the muster to develop the language (and composure) to be successful. Now success is NOT PERFECTION– it’s about being a reflective parent (person) and growing from our mistakes.

Lastly, I could write a full summary post about Daniel Siegel’s The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity and Resilience in Your Child book, but I’ll save these for a different day. Yet I believe that this book is by far one of the best for all adults to get (parents, educators, leaders, community members- all y’all). Here’s a link to his book: https://amzn.to/3miv3pk and workbook: https://amzn.to/34sfyFd

And I leave you with this quote from the author himself, Daniel Siegel:

Reflections

Christmas in September

Let’s kick this off with a short anecdotal story. So my 7 year old daughter and I bravely adventured to Costco today. For historical context, we wore our masks (with peppermint oil to bring comfort), equipped with sanitizer spray and were amongst the “counted” humans entering the establishment. My daughter treated it like it was not a disruption to her shopping experience (bonus points for mom prepping!) But then she saw the Christmas Trees—- in September. She profoundly stated (arms risen) “are you kidding me?! It’s not even Halloween!! It’s only September!” She shortly followed with a weak call to action and wanted to speak with “whoever was in charge.” As we drove past the aisles of toys and decoration- she refused to engage because it was “unbelievable.” Her shopping experience had slightly been disrupted by “far too early Christmas displays.”

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Thankful for the smiles and silliness, I couldn’t help but accept this experience as a resemblance of the current times. School doesn’t look the same. Being around other human beings doesn’t feel the same. Heck- celebrating holidays and birthdays aren’t the same. Finding humor may be our best mental health survival “life jacket” right now. Therefore, I am grateful for the resiliency our children have to help us not become ol’ grumpy folk!

Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

Now as we come together and “synergize,” I want to be real- life is confusing, challenging and exhausting. It’s easy to identify the disruptions and hard to reframe them into possibilities. Thus, a mindset challenge. How can we find humor that Christmas is evident in September? Are we striving for joy by activating our holiday spirit sooner than ever before? If it works- lets go for it! I will happily put my Christmas decorations up! HollowThanksmas! Let’s be jolly, thankful and spooky!

Alas, my daughter’s teacher discussed with her 2nd graders this morning about how to manage their emotional response when they experience frustration. It was the perfect day to have this lesson. I needed it too. Everything seemed to go wrong and my attitude could have become toxic and contagious. Little disappointments could have led to a day of unrest. I am grateful to have my little sidekick remind me that I could “try to do something different” instead of getting frustrated about “the things that weren’t working out for me.” Again, moments of synergy led to better outcomes.

Conclusively, I encourage you to be aware of the response you have to your little sidekick’s support and perspective of the world around them. You’ll be surprised and may find humor, insight, and honest feedback on how to navigate your day with more realistic expectations. I wish you growth and giggles as you go through your days.

Reflections

Revolutionary 2020

Peace cannot be kept by force: it can only be achieved by understanding.”

-Albert Einstein

2020 is hard. On all of us. Emotionally. Relationally. Financially. Academically. Quite honestly, I think our collective trauma will generate new solutions, build new/stronger relationships, and design better systems.

Unfortunately we have conflict before the calm, revolt before resolution and tension before teamwork. We are charged with cultivating solutions to old and new world problems. It will bring discomfort, new perspectives and practice, yet it’s imperative. With how things have been progressing- I’m worried it may generate a civil war because we’ve become so divisive.

We are truly amongst a pivot in history. Future students will study the patterns, politics and events happening around us right now. I believe we are amongst a revolution for humanity as well as a radical shift in our democracy. Systems are being examined, analyzed and redesigned. Because of this, we need to commit to having civil conversations, calm curiosity, and acute awareness to what is unfolding around us.

As previously stated, 2020 has been hard. Yet it’s also be enriching. I have learned so many new things since March 2020. The expertise I’ve gained during this time has widened my perspective. I see the world around me completely different in just over six months. For this reason, I’m grateful for a little slow down and check in. It’s enriched my conversations as well as my convictions.

Let’s grow together and embrace the opportunity in being a part of historical change. We must unify instead of divide. We are HUMAN BEINGS with the same basic needs. Let’s reshape broken systems and advocate for appropriate redesign.

By doing this together we can make revolutionary change and build stronger foundations for our nation and world. We must commit to courageously seek unity and have faith in what our future holds. Seeking common ground can only empower our possibility and potential of our future (wealth, health and happiness).

“None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.”

– Mother Teresa
Reflections

The Power of Reflection

 “Reflection is one of the most underused yet powerful tools for success.” -Richard Carlson

Reflection is defined as “serious thought or consideration” – yet it does NOT necessarily need to be revolutionary, deep or profound. It can be simple and seemingly useless as our thoughts can progress to great ideas and decisions. Therefore, I welcome you to a shift in the definition of reflection: “a thought generated by experience, new knowledge, or conversation.” With this, lets dive in using this self-generated definition of ‘reflection.’

Over the last month or so, I have once (or twice) been reminded that “what we pay attention to- grows.” If I wasn’t such a human, I would have noticed the cultivation of “seeds of thought” that I was actually “watering” rather than “uprooting.” Therefore, I want to encourage you to be self-aware today. What are you noticing? Do you find yourself drawn to certain details? Is this a “planted seed” that you are unintentionally ‘watering’? Rather, is it a “seed” that you’re TRYING to plant but the soil is not “rich” enough? Essentially- What thoughts do you want to nurture and which would you like to weed out?

A great mentor of mine and I were in a deep conversation about what brings us life. Breath. Connection. Self-talk. How we narrate our lives (the consistent scroll of thoughts in our head) is what leads us to decision making and how we perceive our self and others. Therefore, the power is within. How can we build attunement to our thoughts and self-talk? Do we have courage to truly listen to the thoughts in our head? I think there is power in journaling. As a writer, I think reading my thoughts is the purest centering to my soul.

Therefore, I propose a call to action: Take 10 minutes (or 5) and just write down the thoughts going through your head. I encourage you to do this every day at the same-ish time for the next 5 days. I can’t help but be twitterpaited to think of the discoveries you’ll make about yourself. Again, the power is within.

“Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. If you change your thinking, you change your life.” -Brian Tracy

Now- some context. The world around us is spinning. Well it’s always been rotating, but with all that is intensely circling around us, it’s also spinning. With everything that’s disrupted our lives in 2020, I would not be surprised if the earth’s speed of rotation is also impacted. #realworld2020 Though we may be in the middle of a world-wide pandemic, crazy politics, wildfire tragedy, and more, our world has seen tough sh’t before. Therefore, I can’t help but look back to some past leaders during revolutionary and challenging times and be inspired by how they overcame.

Oh my gosh. If you haven’t seen Hamilton yet. Stop reading. Watch it RIGHT now. It’s UH-MAZING. There aren’t words.

Ok, the historical author and activist I will be referring to did NOT appear in Hamilton, yet, he’s still one of the influential figures in the revolution. He authored The Common Sense and the American Crisis (influential pamphlets at the start of the American Revolution). He was an inspiration to the Patriots as they were fighting for independence from Great Britain. So yes, he was an influencer during hard a$$ times. Thomas Paine. Thank you for leadership and influence. Your words still resonate with current world times. Here are some of his notable words:

The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.”

How did that ‘stick’ with you? What thoughts were generated? Read it again if needed. Feel the words and let thoughts generate. You’re encouraged to jot, draw, captivate or conversate about anything that moved you.

Circling back, today is YOUR day to connect with your thoughts and make note to what they cultivate. How do your thoughts create action and interaction? As you reflect (the most powerful action you can take)- be open to how it builds you. You can only grow by looking inward. Enjoy your attunement and reflection as you navigate a new day!

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” -Margaret J. Wheatley

What is Self-Reflection and Why it Matters for Our Wellness? Psychology Today article to support your application of these practices: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201910/what-is-self-reflection-and-why-it-matters-wellness